The Unofficial Rules and Regulations of Portsmouth

Having lived in Portsmouth for about a month and a half now and following a pretty straight forward and repetitive routine, I've come to learn about certain themes, trends, patterns, whatever you want to call them, that seem to run strong throughout Portsmouth.While a commendable police department attempt to keep the law and order in this city to their best ability, it is the people of Portsmouth who play a large role in the up keeping of the, what i like to call, unofficial rules and regulations of Portsmouth living. I've put together a list of the particular important ones that need to be strictly followed on a day to day basis.

1. One must always wear ridiculously huge fake eye lashes - this particular physical trend gets its own mention because it's a must do. Some, I might say, look quite nice...if done properly and not accompanied by an entire stick of eyeliner and tube of mascara. With some of them I can't tell whether they are squinting or actually don't have eyeballs at all. Seriously, you could sweep the floor with some of those sets!

2. On a night out clubbing, one should always have big hair, a fake tan and a tight dress, oh and MASSIVE platform shoes...ones that you can't actually walk in but look good when standing and subtly holding on to something. But seriously, am I getting older or are the dresses getting shorter?

3. You must have an inability to not complain and just enjoy the sunshine should, God forbid, food take longer than fifteen minutes even though we're more or less at capacity in our bar/restaurant area. Never relax on a Saturday you must always be in a hurry to get somewhere else. Anywhere else than where you are. Run Run Run Portsmouth seniors! Oh and don't forget to leave your pouches of medication behind when you leave in a huff and never return for them. I seriously think we could start a pharmaceutical company as a side business with the amount of times it happens.

4. You must consume unlimited amounts of Red Bull every Wednesday and Friday (students only). The aim is to never sleep again...I swear some of them don't considering the state they turn up to Highlight in each week. The smell of it now makes me shudder, which is unfortunate considering I generally work on the VIP bar on Wednesday and Friday night and sell ONLY double vodka red bulls and jager bombs. Lucky me.

5. It's totally out of the question to line up or pay to get in anywhere in Portsmouth if you work at a surrounding bar/club/promotions company. Quote: "Ummmm, Did you line up and pay just then to get in to the Lyberry? Gutted! What a loooooser!" Thanks a lot!

6. You cannot be aged 24, unless you are a foreigner like me. The age 24 doesn't exist here. I haven't met one other person my age. I am not joking. Either they all stop at 22...which seems to be the case...or they jump to 27 and older. Are they all being kept in a cage somewhere? Or have I missed the memo on what you do when your 24, cause you obviously aren't at uni, working in a bar or in the navy, which are the areas where young people generally seem to be down here.

7. If a member of the opposite sex refuses to give over their phone number upon request, never fail to go to Plan B - "Well can I at least add you on Facebook?" Like one rejection wasn't enough, let's stick the knife in further and go for two!

8. If something goes wrong for someone, preferably your friend or housemate - i.e. they're called into work on their day off, lose something valuable, get sick etc...NEVER give them sympathy, rather make them feel so much better by simply saying: "GUTTED." Revelling in other's misery...that's what friendship is all about. Not to say it's not satisfying when you get your revenge and can say it right back to them five minutes later when they are the one who suddenly suffers from a bout of rough news or bad luck. We're all just as bad as each other. It's just the way it goes.

9. Always drop money in the toilets at bars and clubs...no more than 20p though...if it's over 20p you're going to have to fish it out...yes, I have seen this happen. Not cool. Stick to the popular copper coins of 1p and 2p...sometimes splash out with a 10p and then if you're feeling really generous...the 20p. Either they must all have money in their back pockets or they just want something pretty to look at when they enter the cubicle, but seriously every time I do toilet checks at work there's always money shining from the bottom of the toilets. It's weird.

10. Now I know I have commented already on the female population and their attire, so it only seems fair to have a look at the male dress sense as well. So jeans are a pretty mainstream thing among guys when they go out, but what I have noticed is that a lot of them obviously find it a bit difficult to deal with normal jeans that have a zipper and button due to the state in which they find themselves most nights of the week, so therefore have resorted to wearing jeans with elastic at the top. These kind of remind me of the huggies pull up nappy advertisments


              Now let me just make it clear that in no way am I suggesting any of these trends are right or wrong, they are simply observations. In the end they do make Portsmouth a very colourful and eventful place to live. I do enjoy each and every one of them, except maybe the complaining about food taking too long...that annoys me...all of us...a lot.

Tonight is going to be a particularly exceptional night working in Portsmouth, as we are hosting the annual 'Ladies Night', in which 150 drunk women scream and grab and male strippers going the full monty. The eyelashes, hair and outfits will be out of control, stay posted for a run down on the evening, no doubt there'll be plenty of stories!

Guilty Pleasures - Splurging in Rokii

What is exciting for me and unfortunate for my bank account I have found a shop in Portsmouth that I have fell in love with. There are a number of unique and quirky shops along Albert Road in Portsmouth, however Rokii is the one that pulls me in with its colourful array of one off pieces of clothing, jewellery, bags, shoes and other accessories. This is the result of just one visit there:

Dress: Pop: England - £22

Floral Onesie: Motel - £24

Vest: Limited Collection - £9

Floral Sunnies: £5 

Necklace: £3

(I apologise for the presentation of my new items, I don't have a lot of space to work with in my shoebox room!)
 

Love love love these buttons on the dress!

Always need a new pair of shades :)

No doubt I will be back on my next day off :)

Getting our Teenage Dirtbag On - Wheatus Play at Highlight

Now that the University year is back in full swing there are a lot of gigs and concerts on all around Portsmouth. Highlight holds a lot of them which is unreal for us because we get to see them regardless of whether we're working or not. One of the bands that were scheduled to play at Highlight was Wheatus, one of those bands that to most if not all people were a one hit wonder back in the late nineties/early naughties, but that one song, 'Teenage Dirtbag' was awesome, especially when you were thirteen and just heading into puberty and therefore hitting a grungy stage. There were spare tickets so when Vinnie, Nick, Evans and I were scheduled to have a night off we decided we'd get in touch with our inner early teen and go along. Jamie, Ross and some of the other crew from Yates's and the Lyberry joined us, plus some of Ty's friends and then Robyn got knocked off around nine so we had a pretty good team to go with!

We didn't pay much attention to the band that played before Wheatus, and to be fair we didn't give Wheatus our full attention throughout their set either. But we did enjoy ourselves. Robyn and I made the most of it and had a bit of a dance, she actually knew the words to other songs, I was so impressed. Everyone was just hanging out for 'Teenage Dirtbag' to come on. Wheatus knew this and were pretty good sports about it, as they kept saying at the end of each song, "Yeh we know you all want to hear the 'dirtbag' song, we'll play it soon." When it did finally come on though it went off, everyone was jumping around, singing along. They even remixed it and had one of the band members freestyle rap in the middle of it which was cool. Was a really good way to end the set and did leave a good impression.

After the set we all got to meet the band, and Mr. Wheatus as we called the lead singer. It was his birthday so he was giving everyone cupcakes with 'Wheatus' written in icing on the top. Naturally icing ended up all over everyones clothes and in their hair but when we did manage to actually taste some they were really yummy! We got a few photos with Mr. Wheatus then once the place started clearing out we headed down to Guild Hall to have a few drinks at the Lyberry.

The Lyberry was pumping as usual, there was a huge girl fight in the bathrooms at one point and I had to run and find the bouncers, it was crazy! Added a bit of excitement to the night I guess...luckily no major injuries I think. All in all it was a really good night, never would have made the effort to go and see Wheatus had they not conveniently been playing at our club but I'm glad I got to see them it was fun.

Leeds

Jimmy had a business meeting in Leeds, as once a month all the managers of the Highlight and Bar Risas around England meet together to the company and how each place is doing etc. I had two days off in a row so decided to go with him as I'd never been up to that part of England before. Everyone said it was really nice so I was keen to go up and have a look around. The trip was about four/five hours so we set off around lunchtime on the Monday to get there for dinner time. Half way there I was totally stoked as we were passing through Nottingham, and we passed a sign to Sherwood Forest. I didn't know Robin Hood's home actually existed! I wonder if Robin Hood and his Merry Men could be seen gallovanting around amongst the trees?

Arriving in Leeds we had a bit of an issue finding where we were staying because everything is one way streets. Eventually, after a bit of outward frustration on Jimmy's part as the driver, we found our way and then changed quickly before heading out to get some dinner. We then met up with Niel, who is in the same role as Jimmy in the Leeds Highlight. He took us around the town to some different bars, one of them, Mojo, being our favourite. It was like a sort of Indie bar where the bar staff had that nerdy rock look like they should be in one of those bands from the nineties that were generally one hit wonders like Wheatus (I say Wheatus cause they're playing at our Highlight in a week or two - wasn't 'Teenage Dirtbag' their only song?) Jimmy liked it because the guys working there were the only ones who complimented his mustache, the rest of us had been giving him grief for it ever since he decided it looked good and started to grow one. Both Niel and Jimmy had to be up and at the meeting by nine the next day so we had a fairly early one. Was really good to see the nightlife in Leeds though, it is a really nice city.

I had a late check out on Tuesday so left the hotel around one and set off to explore Leeds. Got lost a few times but generally found my way again. I wandered for a while and then did some shopping, had lunch and bought a book to read in the park. It was a really nice relaxing day. Jimmy said he'd be finished the meeting around six so we'd meet back at the car and then maybe drive to York for the night but once he got back he said that everyone wanted to go out on the town so we decided to stay. We met up with Niel and about eight other managers plus the area manager Byron at this amazing buffet restaurant where we had dinner and a few drinks then proceeded on to a pub crawl around the town. We started with a number of different cocktail bars before hitting some more pub-like bars including the Walkabout which had just been renovated.
 One of the guys with us, Rob, was the rep for Wild Shots in England and was basically given the company credit card to show us a good time. We got along really well although at one point when he asked where I'd been before England and I said Canberra, he replied, "What's that?" I explained it was our capital city, to which he then replied, "Isn't it Melbourne?" Not only did he not know what the capital of Australia was, but had never actually heard of the place. I mean its not the most exciting city in Australia, but for someone who works mainly for Walkabout, which is an Australian chain of clubs, you'd think he'd atleast have HEARD of the capital of Australia. He even started googling in on his iphone because he didn't believe us. Anyways I gave him a lot of grief about it, as did Jimmy. Was a really good night though I had so much fun. Glad I decided to come on the trip!

The drive home wasn't too much fun, I actually slept most of the way but obviously Jimmy couldn't so he was exhausted when we got back. Had about an hour to get ready for work to face another Purple Wednesday. Here we go!

Staff House Living and Freshers Week Madness

I moved into the Staffy on a sunny Monday. G, Nick and Bates met me on the front steps and helped me move my stuff in. I didn't have much so it literally took me about fifteen minutes to set up my room. Bought some lovely new sheets from good old Primark and some incense, everyone said they'd never seen the room look so neat and pretty (Mum, are you shocked?) We get up to a lot of fun family activities in the house, such as waxing G's chest (he didn't handle it too well), and then attacking each other with the left over wax strips (the boys all have random patches of smooth skin on their arms and legs now). Most of the time you walk cautiously around corners in the house as it is most likely someone will be waiting with the BB gun. Thank you Nicholas for bring that into the house.

Living in the staff house is just as I expected - loud and crazy but lots of fun and there's always someone to hang out with. G's room is our sort of movie centre, we have our weekly Jersey Shore sessions on Thursdays after the most recent episode comes out in America. Lots of nudity in the house, thanks Sarg and G, and a lot of banter. You must be able to take it and dish it back if you have any chance of surviving. Most of us generally have the same days off as you only really need one person and a manager working during the week days so we spend a lot of time in Guild Hall and on Commercial Road. During the sunny days we go down to the port which is really nice. Jimmy moved house and moved in with Mal who runs the Lyberry. The new place is so nice and has a really good BBQ area out back so we've been making the most of the nice summer weather and having Sunday BBQ's.

On the Thursday before Freshers Week we had a cocktail training night, to teach all the new staff and refresh the old staff on how to make all the cocktails. Sarg and I went with Jimmy to spend 300 pounds on alcohol for the night and get all the food for the BBQ. The new staff were there from one to learn how to use all the tills and see how the place work, then the rest of us arrived around seven for the BBQ and started cocktail training at eight. Basically about eight of the staff were at a different station which had the ingredients for one particular cocktail, and we went round in groups of four, watched them make the cocktail then made one ourselves. Naturally we got to drink them after. After we had been to all the stations, it was basically supposed to be a practice time where we try and remember how to make all the cocktails without instructions, but it basically became an experimental free for all. We all just started inventing our own drinks, some of which were actually really good and some of which were just plain nasty. I think the winner was Gabs' 'Black Jack Head F***' which to be fair, actually tasted alright but was lethal. Vinnie was definitely the one making the nice ones, by the end the newbies were just walking around drinking straight bottles of spirits. Around one we all left and went to Tiger Tiger. There were a few headaches the next morning, but was a pretty funny way to introduce all the new staff...definitely started out on a high (or should I say low?) point.

Being used to working full time as I did before I left Canberra, and with three jobs not one, I didn't feel like I was struggling to keep up with all the work after a solid four months travelling around the world. From the moment I arrived in Portsmouth, everyone at work kept voicing their dread for when students arrived back in town and the first two weeks would be absolute madness at work. I'd make some comment like, "Tonight seemed really busy," to which someone would reply: "Just you wait until Freshers week, it's messed up." They were pretty much right on the ball with that one. I think the population grows by around 30,000 in a week and it was just mayhem. I worked four fifteen hour days in a row, nearly going deaf during Magnetic Man's set on the Monday and let's not talk about the Gordy Shore girls' appearance on the Saturday. Didn't see too much of them while the club was open and we were slammed at the bar but when I was packing up downstairs at the end of the night and they came down I think they threw the 'C' word around about five times each. They stood at the bar yelling and carrying on, pulling out hair extensions and what not. All I could say was: "Can I get you a glass of water or something?"

Apart from serving so many double vodka red bulls, jaeger bombs and snakebites that everything you own and you as a person start smelling like red bull and blackcurrent, the week was going really well, until on the Monday night it turned out that someone had stolen a bottle of Absolute Vodka from the cellar. We don't stock this alcohol, it was just left over from our cocktail training night and in a separate basket of alcohol so obviously was easily noticed when it was gone. So naturally, during the hardest and most hectic week of the year, all our staff privileges were taken away - meaning no food or drink, no entry to the bar and club when we weren't working, and no staff privileges at all the other pubs and clubs in Portsmouth - yes they were all notified. Basically until the person who did it owned up or was caught, we were all banned. It was pretty tense, everyone thinking it was unfair, mainly because the promoters of our club among others from a company called 'Eskimo' were also in the cellar that night and were just as suspect as one of the Highlight staff, but were still allowed in and allowed to drink on their nights of etc. Luckily within a few days it was all sorted, we weren't told who it was or what happened, but all that mattered was that our ban was lifted and everything went back to normal pretty quickly.

It was a pretty intense week, I wasn't working on the first Purple Wednesday but Jimmy said they were at capacity (i.e. one out, one in) by about nine thirty. Things are starting to settle down a bit now as the rush of everyone getting back has died down but we'll be busy as long as uni is in session. I'm pretty much living off of pre-made sandwiches from the co-op, tuna melts at work and subway on the way to work if I'm on a night shift. Occasionally we go out for lunch or dinner, my favourite restaurant being Las Iguanas, a Latin food place which is delicious, and also make good cocktails! Other than that I spend most of my time in our house in Southsea or of course Gunwharf keys where Highlight is located. It's a pretty simple lifestyle, and cause I'm back in a massive routine now time seems to be flying by....I'll be home before I realise! Where did this year go?!

Settling into Portsmouth

Monday day I worked, was pretty quiet but chatted away to the regulars and got some chores done. My favourite regulars are Taf, an old Welshman who tucks into at least eight pints in a session, and loves telling me the same story about going to Sydney and something about a taxi, his aunt in a straw hat and a friend who turns out to be someone else....I think. Then there's Ivy, this tiny little old lady who is adorable and always comes in for a large house white and reads the newspaper for a good three hours. Then there's Chris who is so friendly, and tells the most interesting stories about his childhood. He told me one about the horrible things that happen in Catholic boys schools, particularly military schools which is where his dad sent him. Told me about getting the cane numerous times for the most petty reasons, for example not using the very bottom line on a piece of lined paper when writing an essay. You can't ever imagine that sort of thing happening in schools now but he said I'd be surprised by some of the older Catholic schools in the UK that keep very clammed up about what goes on.

Monday night Jimmy and I met up with Sarg, Sam G, Robyn, Kerri, Nick and Vinnie at one of the pubs on Albert Street and then headed into Guild Hall to Yates's. Had a few drinks, Vinnie had half a bag of chips in his beer before Sarg's beer was poured into the chip packed from which he then drank the rest. We then headed down to a new club that Mal, Jimmy's to be housemate and boss at Yates's had just opened called the Lyberry where standard antics continued including nudity, mainly Sarg and a lot of pinching, biting and headlocks. I think Jimmy even drew blood on Sarg's shoulder. Special bunch. As usual Jimmy did a Houdini act and disappeared, I ended up with the impossible task of walking Sarg back the staff house. He seemed to be taking one step forward and two steps back so I tried to turn him around so he'd cover more ground walking backwards towards the house but it unfortunately didn't work. Took about half an hour in the end instead of five minutes...so not TOO bad. Slept my first night in the staff house, I hadn't moved in yet so Robyn and I shared. Didn't get to bed until about four as everyone was running around doing all sorts of silly things but apart from the realisation that I wouldn't get much sleep living in the house I was looking forward to moving in.

Fell into the routine pretty easily, mainly the going to bed in early hours and never waking up before ten thirty. On days off at the moment I literally catch up on sleep and relax on the couch, its easy when it's just Jimmy and I or just myself when he's at work, I suspect things will change once I'm living with eight people, not two!